Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
