i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
