My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
