i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
