the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
