please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
