why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
