one two three fourrrrnication!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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