I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
