did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
