I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
