Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
