you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
