it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize