when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
