I think I am morally bankrupt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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