they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
