Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Vodka?
Forever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
