You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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