Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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