Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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