if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
