I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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