If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
