went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
