This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
