Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
