we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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