no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
