I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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