either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
