He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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