I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
