there's paper in my vomit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
