Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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