well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
