I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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