Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
