So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
