Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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