eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
