Define "chronic" masturbator.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
