Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
this is an emotional support booty call
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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