How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
