you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We need to get me chipped asap
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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