are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you never un-have a 4some
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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