then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize