can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize