im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
