I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
