just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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