so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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