well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
