I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
