Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I could make wine with my vomit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
