Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
