do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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