I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
