You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
