He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
