SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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