hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize