I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
