1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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