I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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