So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
