Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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