Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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