he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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