i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
