I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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