I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
