just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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