It's Friday. Sex?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
