There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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