remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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